Clarifying Misconceptions

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I read this on a social network site; let’s deconstruct it in a discourse analysis:

HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN - Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold her. Surprise her. Compliment her. Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Romance her - Encourage her. Believe in her. Cuddle with her. Shop with her. Give her jewelry. Buy her flowers. Hold her hand. Write love letters to her. Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.

HOW TO TREAT A MAN: Show up naked. ♥Bring chicken wings & beer. Don't block the TV.

HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN

         Do people really need advice on how to treat other human beings? Some people do, and so many articles in magazines talk precisely about that, how to treat a woman, how to make her feel special, and ultimately how to love her. Yet people seem to not understand the articles as easy written as they seem. A closer look into the anatomy and physiology of the human body tells us that men and woman are not that distant from each other. One must understand how the central nervous system works in order to understand anyone, man, woman, child, elders.  

Wine her

         It was a professional OBGYN that advised that women should have at least one or two glasses of wine before intercourse, why, because as she said: “Women are very anxious when they are to have intercourse”. This issue has gone so far as men using roofies in alcoholic drinks in order to take advantage of women. No wonder women are so anxious when having intercourse. Did you know that 1 of five of your girlfriends have been sexually assaulted? And it all started by a man/woman wining her first, trying to take the edge off.

Dine her

         The dining date is a part of our culture. We see it in the media for as far as we can remember. The old dinner date, were the couple meet in a safe public place and then at the end of the date someone get’s invited for tea or coffee, ending up in a one night stand or a torrid relationship. Usually in these dinning dates the men is expected to pay for the meal, and usually some men expect women to engage in sexual intercourse with them, simply because they paid for the meal. That is why more women are inclined to pay for the meal, just to feel in control of the situation, and avoid any misunderstandings. Yet the fact that a woman wants to feel in control of the date can make men grow accustomed to use them for their money, and some women do not mind paying men things and pampering them. But the old custom of taking a woman out on a romantic date has dissipated, it has been substituted for casual sex, and we only see the dinner date in films.   

Call her

         The fact that a woman demands to be called the next day after a date or after a sexual encounter is not unexpected. It is polite to call someone the day after (be it a man or a woman), to thank them for a lovely time, to know if they got home alright, and maybe ask for a second date. What is not polite is never calling at all. Now why do women demand to be called on the phone? Maybe it is because they have been stood up so many times, used in one night stands, or maybe men really do not want to deal with them, or they dislike them so much that it is unbearable to call her the next day. A simple phone call can avoid much discomfort for both parties.  

Hold her/ Cuddle with her/ Hold her hand

         This means that a woman needs to be held or hugged in order to feel loved and safe. What a misogynistic point of view, not all women need to be held or hugged when they are on a date, it feels nice and it leads to more intimacy. Yet many women have their reservations and wonder “why this guy is slobbering all over me”. Many rapists like to hold and hug their victims until they get their way with them, many serial killers kill their victims when they hugged them or hold them. And many men want to be held, hugged and feel secure in the warm embrace of a woman. Yet some women are cold and distant because they do want to hold their man, but are afraid to do so, afraid he will reject her advances. Never reject a person when they are being nice to you, if you are not attracted to that person and you do not want that person to touch you, then you should have thought of that before having sex with them. There is nothing more despicable than a person who rejects intimacy and refuses to reciprocate the act.  

Surprise her

         This type of surprise can vary depending on the age and status of a woman. But it is universal among all human beings. Who does not want to be surprised with a gift or special attention? A woman (as well as a man) likes to be surprised by flowers, candy, jewelry, a romantic spontaneous date, an unplanned sexual encounter with her lover, a man cooking for her (though he cannot cook), some lingerie, an impromptu midnight escapade, great conversations, book and music exchange, simply watching a movie, working out, be it anything you can think of you’d like to be surprised by. If it is a married woman, who feels the spark has gone away, she might want to reconnect with her husband intimately, she might need more help with the kids and the house work or she might need more sexual gratification, or simply to spend more quality time with her partner.   

Compliment her

         Women complain that men do not compliment them enough, yet women complement each other most of the time. Women notice things like hair, makeup, shoes, nails, fashion, and attitude toward physical appearance. Some men can notice if a woman has done her hair or her nails, yet do not compliment them, and women want to be taken notice of. This is a cry for attention on the women’s part, and it has stirred many arguments between partners. Women need to realize they do not need to rely on men’s compliments in order to feel special or loved. When a woman knows she looks good in certain attire, shoes, make up, or jewelry, she acts the part, so if you act the part, then why do you need to be complimented? Maybe there is some void she needs to feel, or is just simply a cry for attention, why not focus your attention on more important matters, discuss interesting topics, and you will see that there is more to life than being complimented on your hair or what you wore that day. Now some compliments are always the basis for stirring up things in the boudoir, and that is acceptable. Some men use compliments in order to bed women, and some women fall on the trap, this are the same women who demand to be complimented for minuscule things. Then after the one night stand or drive through relationship they complaint they have been taken advantage off. Men (most men) do not want to be in a relationship with someone who demands to be complimented for every little detail; men want to be complimented too.

 Smile at her

         This statement implies that men do not smile as often to women. What is a smile?  A smile is a facial expression formed by flexing the muscles near both ends of the mouth. The smile can also be found around the eyes. Among humans, it is an expression denoting pleasure, joy, happiness, or amusement, but can also be an involuntary expression of anxiety, in which case it is known as a grimace. Smiling is something that is understood by everyone despite culture, race, or religion; it is internationally known. Cross-cultural studies have shown that smiling is a means of communicating emotions throughout the world. A smile can also be spontaneous or artificial. It was Richard III who said: “I can smile, and murder while I smile”.  Smiling is a signaling system that evolved from a need to communicate information of many different forms. One of these is advertisement of sexual interest. Female smiles are appealing to males, increasing physical attractiveness and enhancing sex appeal. However, recent research indicates a man's smile may or may not be most effective in attracting women, and that facial expressions such as pride or even shame might be more effective. I have to disagree on that research; a man’s smile is as precious as a woman’s smile.    

Listen to her

         Has anybody ever tell you: “You hear, but you do not listen”? If someone has told you that, let them go, and never tell this to anybody either. This implies that you do not registrate what that person is telling you. Only a person who doesn’t know how the brain functions will say such a thing. This expression was used when referring to mentally challenged individuals, or people with disabilities. There is this misconception that men do not listen to women. Men listen to women; they just don’t want to hear them complain about the same thing over and over. Unless he has some sort of disability that requires you to repeat to him the same request, do not engage in such masochistic behavior. Every human being can listen, deaf people do it by sign language, and lip reading, they understand better than most of us can, blind people listen by reading and using their sense of hearing, so for a woman to demand from a man to be listened to is to say that she is arrogant and a cretin, and utterly stupid. 

Laugh with her

         The person who originally wrote this is truly either a robot or a dog. What human being would demand another person to laugh with them? This seems like a list of demands on how to treat a woman. What woman would go as far as to ask a man to laugh with her? Laughter should come naturally, unless you want him to fake that too, you better stop demanding so much from him.

Cry with her

         Crying is optional. It is intimate; most of us do it in private. Yet when someone, anyone comes crying to you for a serious reason you do not turn them away, you cry if your tears come out, if you cannot cry, then do not worry. Some women demand that men should cry with them, isn’t that horrible? Imagine being in a relationship where a woman demands you to cry for every stupid thing she can think of? And men still stay with women like that.  

  Romance her

         On romance: women want to feel special, they want to be seduced, and they want men to pursue them, to take control of them, to make them feel something. But men cannot read minds, what is a man supposed to know what a woman likes if she never tells him directly? Women commit the same mistake over and over, they give hints here and there of what they want, and they complaint when they are not romanced the way they want to be.

Encourage her

         This seems that a woman needs for a man to encourage her in order for her to do things she would not normally do. There are times when humans need encouragement in hard situations, yet demanding to be encouraged for every little detail is exhausting to anyone.   

Believe in her

         Does this statement imply that women are not trustworthy? Apparently so. Some women would ask of a man to believe in them, in the choices they make for both of them, economically, socially, even sexually. And some men follow their lead until the relationship is over and you end up going out with a shattered man that has been destroyed by a demanding woman.

Shop with her

         Before going shopping with anyone, ask yourself who is going to pay. Some women ask men to accompany them shopping and the men end up paying for most of the things. Some men enjoy paying, and shopping with their gals. Some men hate shopping with them, especially if it is going to take all day. Some men enjoy shopping with them if it is something they both have in common. Shopping should not be a requisite on how to treat a woman, it denotes that she is a massive consumerist, a shopaholic and just interested in money.  

Give her jewelry

         Yes buy her love with jewelry, the shinier the better. The more jewelry you give to a woman the more she will think of you as a money person, whom she can get anything of, she will never take you seriously, and she will only take your money seriously. Any woman who asks a man for jewelry is seriously desperate for material things and not emotional connections. If a man wants to give woman jewelry he better make sure she is not going to expect him to give her more. Gift giving should be spontaneous, interesting and above all never about taking advantage of the other person.

Buy her flowers

         Yes, buy her flowers and contribute to global warming and deforestation. Some flowers you do not need to buy, yet some women do not like such flowers. They want a huge bouquet, the most expensive one in order to feel like they are worth something. If you ever encounter such women, discard them. A flower is a living being, by picking out a flower from a garden you are killing, and sacrificing oxygen in order to give it to someone who won’t appreciate it. Make sure the woman you are with do understands your efforts to please her, and make sure she can reciprocate by bringing you fresh picked flowers once in awhile.   

Write love letters to her

         I have to agree on this one. The act of mailing love letters has grown extinct. Emails have become a substitution up to a certain point when men grow tired of writing or answering the letters, because of time constraints or simply loss of interest. Not many men like to read long letters especially poetry, yet if you can find a man that enjoys reading your letters then treat him good, these are extinct. The act of writing love letters can heal much insecurity, it can facilitate expressionism, and it can help relationships that are on the verge of a break up. But do not wait until that point, make it a habit to write to your loved one what you feel, what you want him or her to do to you, tell your desires and secrets. It is an art form, where you can express your feelings, especially if you are timid, it can help you communicate better with your partner. Afterwards you can discuss the letter; it will help much more than saying nothing and expecting something from the other person. How many love letters have you written that have gone unanswered, undiscussed, and ignored? How does that make you feel? If it makes you feel like not writing a love letter to anyone ever again, don’t worry, it shall pass. If you encounter someone who doesn’t take notice of your love letters, never acknowledges them, discusses them or read them, you know it is time to dump them. It is a great insult to send a letter so intimate and not be at least read or acknowledged.

Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.

         Do men need to give up their identity and their time in order to please women? No. Pleasure should be mutual, when two people get together they should do things for each other, sexually, emotionally, physically, in any way they can. Otherwise don’t get into a relationship with another person, if you are not ready to share, if you don’t want to share then stay by yourself, and don’t seek companionship. Even in a one night stand things go wrong, that is why is called a one night stand, because it was so awful you cannot see the other person ever again. There are one night stands that are reciprocal, where the couple does things for each other, yet that is a minuscule percentage.

HOW TO TREAT A MAN

         Do women need a guide on how to treat men, and vice versa? At first glance we see a variety of articles in magazines and in the media sending us messages on how to treat men, as if they are a totally different species so distant from us women. Men and woman are human beings, and human beings have almost the same anatomy and physiology. The brain of a man and a woman is almost identical, mental processes vary according to different situations, yet there is no enigma trying to solve here. You treat a man with the same respect you treat yourself.

Show up naked

         This statement implies that in order to treat a man you must show up naked in his presence, just like slaves did so many centuries ago and modern day sex slaves do right now as you read. Prostitutes do it all the time for men, and strippers do it to please them. So you have to compete with the sex industry, porn stars, prostitutes, strippers and god knows what else to treat your man. Men as well as women enjoy visual stimuli, women enjoy when men show up naked, yet there is the element of shame. Some women are ashamed to show up naked at a man’s house, or his bedroom, because they feel insecure about their bodies, maybe they are too fat (so they think) and that impedes them to show up naked. Maybe women think is a turn off for the men to see them naked with everything exposed, they feel they will be rejected by them. This is a matter to be discussed and is a personal matter of choice for a woman, how secure and comfortable she feels with her body? This will be revealed to her in time. Yet so many confident women are rejected by men when they show up naked, so ask first before showing up naked.
♥Bring chicken wings & beer

         Yes it has a heart in it; apparently chicken wings and beer are loved by men. Yet what if he is vegetarian, or a non drinker, then what? Bring him something you know he likes and you can enjoy together. This statement is simply a stereotype and is followed by so many men and woman that they take it as a mantra.

Don't block the TV

         Yes don’t block the TV, because all men do is watch TV. Maybe they do it in order to escape the nagging. Men as well as women have every right to watch any kind of program they desire.

Conclusions:

         Notice the list of demands on how to treat a woman? Is longer and has so many demands that are useless and pointless. On the other hand the list of demands on how to treat a man is shorter and stereotyped. According to the feminist theory neither of those lists is right. First of all if you have to demand any type of attention, from a man or a woman then you do not deserve to be in a relationship with anyone.

          Intimate relationships are about connecting with the person, sharing the same interests, and ultimately creating a sexual connection that can be mutually beneficial for both parties. Sexual connections are hard because they come with baggage from previous lovers, men and women grow accustomed to a certain type of sexual routine and at first glance it is difficult to eradicate the previous sexual behavior. Yet it is not impossible if there is a stronger connection that can support the intimacy.

         First you establish an intellectual connection with the person, if that is not established then everything else falls apart. There is nothing more unappealing than dating someone whom you have nothing in common with, only sex, yet sex is not everlasting, at one point it has to end, and when it does, what the hell are you going to do with that person? Men as well as women, have the need to connect, to fell special, loved, wanted, taken care of, listened to, and pampered. Men as well as women have issues with their bodies; they feel depressed, sad, lost, mad, and angry, thought they do not communicate it as much as women do.

         Will there ever be a time where men are capable to be themselves around women? Will women be able to be themselves around men? Nobody wants to be rejected; therefore people go to extremes to put emotional barriers around them to avoid being hurt. The worst enemy you can have is yourself. Once you let your fundamental darkness cloud your thoughts you are lost, and you need to search for yourself and what you are, what you want and what you need in order to be truly happy.

         Many men and women feel alone in despair because they need a partner, which is natural and sad at the same time. So many men and women put their trust into others just to be taken advantage off, treated like they are nothing, used sexually, emotionally, economically, physically and then discarded. Some women engage in one night stands thinking it was not a one night stand, only to realize after a few days later and many unanswered calls that the guy took advantage of her, and vice versa. People need to start being honest with each other, and stop giving the run around, sometimes is better to tell the truth though at first glance it would hurt, than just ignore the person or avoid them. Remember that what evil you do to others someone will do it far worse to you. So be wise, and treat people with the same respect you would want to be treated.