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Her Mind Is Her Enemy

“He lives inside my mouth, tells me what to say.” Manson, M. (1995). Antichrist Superstar. New Orleans, USA: Interscope Records. 

Human Sexuality: She knows about herself, knows her body, loves her body, and praises her body. She knows how to enjoy herself; she knows how to enjoy other bodies as well. She makes a connection, at times intellectual, at times superficial, and she takes that premise into account when sharing with other bodies. She views herself as she is, big lumps of curves imperfect and soft, and she likes it all the way home. She knows a secret that no else knows, a secret that people around her try to hide when they cherish time together. Her eyes are cautious, mindful, and aware of the reality.

  

  What is perfection? Is it in the mind of the thinker, in the eyes of the beholder? What is beauty? She is beauty, she is, because she feels it, and she knows she is the only one upholding that opinion of her. In that sense, she feels comfortable in her own skin, but at the same time she does not want to impose her point of view on others. The dirty little secret nobody wants to say out loud she knows it all too well. She has grown accustomed to that routine, human beings and their thoughts, so polluted, so constricted, is either black and white, no gray areas; no alternatives, no acceptance of deviations. She cannot change their minds, at times she thinks a lobotomy will serve well, yet there is no way to perform it. 

  The secret: People pretend to like each other; they do it all the time, without even realizing it at times, or ever too revealing of their intrinsic dislike. They are hate mongers. Either way, she knows it, for she analyzes every mental calculation, every neural connection, every synapse act, she knows it all too well. Hate mongers, in their twisted sickness of dislike for others will go as far as to do things they normally would not do in order to please themselves and to obtain instant gratification. Why? Because they need it, they need to feel something, even if it comes from the most despicable person they can think of.

  Beyond a certain point there is no return, once hate mongers have reached that point; they show a wide range of behavioral changes in their attitudes towards the person they are with at that particular moment. It is revealed in the gaze, the eyes, the so called windows of the soul: in the way they look or do not look at each other, the visual stimulation starts to get affected by their decision to put themselves in that position. Sentiments of regrets begin to crawl in their minds. Yet they do not know that they are creating their dislike on purpose, in that sense, they are atrophying their own mental processes.

  Cognitive dissonance is what hate mongers experience while they are “sharing” with the other person. They want to do it but they find the other person not in their range of taste, yet they need to do it or else. Is this a punishment they put themselves through? They pretend to like a person in order to get instant gratification, so they think, yet, they still feel disgusted by the person they are with. They feel disgusted because they cannot accept themselves, and they fool themselves into thinking they have high self esteem, so high that they think they deserve someone better. Intrinsically they are fooling themselves, and ultimately atrophying mental processes that can benefit them if they only tried to rid themselves of the dislike, and the discomfort they have created for themselves in the beginning.  

   She knows all of this, yet she still goes full metal jacket on into the engagement. Why? Because is part of who she is, can she change the point of view of hate mongers about themselves and others? She cannot dare to try; it is too difficult a task. She will always be herself, her loving self, no hatred towards her body. Yet; hate mongers do not like her body, she knows this all too well, and she has grown accustomed to please them, to not make them feel uncomfortable when they see her. At times despondence is what she feels about the situation, one that can be changed truthfully if she only disregards other people’s feelings, opinions, points of views, likes and dislikes about herself and her body, and ultimately about themselves. For she knows the root of the problem lies not in her body, but in the mind of the hate monger that despises her body.

   She says to herself: “If the hate mongers do not like my body, then why do they submit to seeing my body or parts of my body, ever showing disdain for me?” She wants people to be able to enjoy themselves as well as she enjoys herself corporally. It does not matter how hard hate mongers try to hide their disgust for her, she always knows how their brain work, what they need and what they can or cannot take. She knows brain behavior and relations all too well, and she stills engages in situations of the sort; why? Because she has not met her match yet, someone who truly is free of misconceptions about body image and self esteem, someone who will easily enjoy herself without thinking that they deserve someone better than her, when in reality, people always will betray you and hate you, because is part of human nature. Hate mongers have so much self esteem that they think they are better than the person they choose to spend some time with, this happens more often than you think. 

Do not be fooled by hate mongers, be aware that they hate themselves so harshly that they can easily try to destroy your own happiness. Be mindful of a hate monger, a predator posing as a house pet, with hatred in their eyes, for themselves and for you. People like this act like they “accept” you, and she thinks: “accept me? No one needs to accept me, I am, I think, I act, I do, I am human, I am not a product, that you consume and above all I am a Woman.” She does not need acceptance from anyone but herself. Hate mongers always present themselves with confidence, yet they are judgmental of her body, and this is an inconvenience to her, to what she wants to say or do. She often says to herself: “isn’t it enough that I love my body? I do not need to satisfy hate mongers, because I am my own personal satisfaction”.

She has a plan…we will see next time.